Random Rants

A hodgy-podgy post that will probably make little to no sense.

-Our truck is the bane of my existence. It’s a thorn in my fucking side. It doesn’t run right now, it needs a new clutch which will be a minimum of $750 to fix. The truck is only worth about $1000. Yet, we still owe $6000 on it. And it’s not even fucking driveable. What a useless, expensive, hunk of metal that’s turned out to be. I was all excited because it just needed a clutch adjustment and Derek was going to drive it to work and I was going to have the car during the day. A vehicle! So if I want to go somewhere I wouldn’t have to walk! I could do something during the day! What a concept! But no, not anymore. Now I remain stuck in this bloody apartment all day every day. Fucking truck. I hate that piece of shit. Pissed? Me? Nah.

-What is with the lack of professionalism in people these days? I’m writing for an ezine that’s strictly volunteer. You still have to apply to participate, but you’re not getting paid for it. That doesn’t bother me, I think it’s good experience. What I do on a volunteer basis still reflects on me. My name is attached to it and I take pride in my work. Why aren’t other people the same? The stupid thing was supposed to be published ten days ago and nobody can seem to pull their shit together long enough to do it. It reflects so poorly on it. It makes me not want to participate any longer. However, I signed up for a job and while other people may not feel obligated to fulfill their duties, I do.

-Online drama is the most ridiculous thing in the world. I’ve been prowling for new message boards and everywhere I go it’s drama drama drama. What is the point? Why the need to stir shit up? Here’s what I want. I want to create my own message board where I can boot members at my own discretion. What would be my rules? Use full sentences and paragraph breaks in your posts. What? Typing full words is beyond you? Then my forum isn’t for you. Be respectful of other’s opinions. Don’t agree with what someone else says? That’s fine. Be reasonable and attack the issue, not the person. Is that a difficult concept? It appears to be. Don’t be clique-y. If you want your board to be your own personal friends and groupies, then close the damn board and don’t make it open to newbies. If you’re just going to exclude them or ignore them, or worse, flame them, don’t even bother letting them join. If I knew anything about running and designing a board, I’d so be on it already. Alas, I know nothing of PHP. Is there anybody who does who wants to set the board up and run it with me? Meh.

-The future is forever fucking cloudy. When are we moving back to the states? Well, it was five years and then four and now Derek seems to think we can do it in 18 months. Uhm, I don’t think so. Maybe in two years, but not that soon. He thinks we’ll be able to start trying for a baby next month. Would love to, but I doubt the doc is going to give me approval for that one. People seem to react like my having a baby is going to be the easiest thing and I can just do it. Do you forget that I have diabetes? That one slip-up in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy (hell, before I even know I’m pregnant) can cause dangerous birth defects? This is a serious thing and I can’t fuck it up. I hate pressure.

Meh. My head is a giant clusterfuck hence the last of posty goodness lately. They’d all be like this if I’d kept posting.


8 thoughts on “Random Rants

  1. Wow. We’re on the same page on a few things, Courtney. There is a lot of that drama shit going on at a message board that I visit, and I’m so sick of it!

    What online ezine have you been writing for? I wonder if it’s the same one I’ve been volunteering for too – I’ve been having the same problem, as is my friend who also does it. Interesting!

  2. Yeah, the message board thing… as I said in that email I sent you, I’ve been in the market for a new one too. No such luck Although, I have spent a bit of time on your Writing section of the BA board lately. Expect an email in regards to that soon.

    I sucks to be caught up in so many things that are just not working. I feel for you, but hang in there. Things’ll get better soon.

  3. Oh, Courtney. Sorry things are not going well. The truck situation sucks. I understand wanting to get out and have a little freedom. A friend of mine has a similar situation with her car. It’s awful. I hope things go better with your ezine. I don’t see why people agree to do something if they have no intention of following through. It’s ridiculous. I LOVE your rules for a message board. Excellent, and perfectly reasonable. Good luck with figuring out the move and the baby. It’s sweet that he’s so excited, but I know what you mean–if you’re going to have a baby, you need to do it right; it’s not something to rush into.

  4. I hear you on the message board thing! I just go to the one that I look at and find out things about people I want to know about and ignore everything else. Drama is everyone’s middle name these days.

    Totally sucks about your truck!! Auto problems are the WORST!!

    I didn’t know that diabetes can cause such problems in child bearing. Who knew?

  5. You tell that husband of yours to be patient. I don’t want any issues when you do decide to have kids, that would not be good for anyone involved. Kick him if needed. I’m serious!!!

    I’m sorry that you feel stuck at home. I know how that feels and I know that it’s driving you nuts. I wish that we lived closer so that we could hang out together… that would prolly make you feel better.

    And the whole moving thing…. you guys need to make sure that it’s the right time for BOTH of you. Don’t hurry yourselves here, you want to make sure that you start off well here… not in debt. Tell him that too… or I’ll have to kick him.

    Drama, drama, drama. You know what I’ve decided? It’s in human nature to have drama. People just can’t help but start shit with each other. And as annoying as it is… it can somtimes be really, really funny. But I’m sorry that the people you are talking about are stupid. That’s not fun.

    I love you honey, and I am here if you ever need to talk. Just send me an email, call me on the phone, shoot me an IM, send me a letter… you know, whatever it takes. I’m here.

  6. Ah, life – doesn’t it just suck sometimes? The up side is that sometimes it’s really great. And unfortunetly you can’t have one without the other.

    I am getting the baby pressure full on now that our good friend Mrs. E is prego. When? When, she says? I dance around the real answer – not now. But when? When!? When we’re stable in what state we live and financially in a good place and I’m at a healthy weight and and and and… unfortunetly there’s never a perfect time. Someday all of the above issues won’t go away but they won’t matter anymore. I assume from your post that you guys are in a similar spot. I have been doing the following – wake up – happy day – sun shining – baby crying… wait -baby crying – nope! ah blessed silence – I know ithen that that day we’re not ready. Maybe tomorrow and I stop thinking about it. Because really the only thing worse than not having a baby is having a baby you wish you had waited for. 🙂

  7. “Because really the only thing worse than not having a baby is having a baby you wish you had waited for.”

    That’s great advice, Ellen. I’m in awe of it, really.

    I’ve been thinking of you today, Courtney. I’m hoping that yesterday was just a down day and things are looking up. Is there anything I can do???

  8. Bex- I signed up for a four month, four article stint at The Martini Lounge. I’ve written two and nothing’s gone up yet because the people responsible for posting the articles aren’t pulling their weight. it’s frustrating. What are you writing for?

    Carly- I’m anxiously awaiting what you have to say about the writing group! It’s my pet, though I wish I could make it busier. I haven’t been devoting as much time to it as I used to, which I need to get back on. The BA Forum is the only one that I really love and that has little to no drama. I love it there. And I’m feeling much better, today. I’ll be posting again shortly. I appreciate the offer, but really at this point, it’s just working the kinks of life out. Ya know?

    Caryn- That’s my feeling, too. You volunteered for something- you knew what you were getting into and you made an offer to do it. Why would you back out when you’re needed? It just makes no sense. We may have a possible solution for the truck so we’ll see how that works out. We may be able to make something work.

    Toni- I don’t get why I bother with message boards anymore. I love them, though, i love the community. But so much drama! And yes, if my blood sugar gets too high in the first 12 weeks, there’s a 30% chance of birth defect and that’s HUGE.

    Megs- He’ll figure it out. It’s my body so I have the most say in the matter! We’re making an appointment for me to see the doctor in the next two weeks, I think, and we’ll just go from there. I’m definitely not doing anything intentional without doctor approval, that’s for sure. And I know you’re there, honey, you know me, though. It’s so much easier for me to rant here where someone can close the page if they don’t want to deal then in person where I feel like I’m monopolizing their time and attention- regardless of whether or not I actually am.

    Ellen- Oh yes, every time I talk to our Mrs. E I get the why why why. Which is fine, I know she just wants pregnant company, but I can’t get pregnant just because she wants me to. And I completely agree with Carly, that’s a great statement about having a baby you wish you had waited for .I’d live a lifetime of regret if I made the wrong choice or slipped up. And don’t worry, I won’t rush you into motherhood. 🙂

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