Like Pilates, But With Eyepatches

I’m terribly terribly excited. I get my first paycheck in over two years tomorrow. In fact, it might be in my bank account in as soon as three hours. Money! That’s mine! It’s amazing! And I’m using way too many exclamation points!

The new job is going quite well, but I’m finding- as I’m sure you’ve noticed- that I’m just too exhausted to do much more than work and sleep. I’ll get used to it and I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual posting regularly self soon. In the meantime, deal with it. Or, you know, don’t.

One thing that I’ve found in going back to work is that I’m remembering how much people truly terrify me. I think the past two years and a bit in seclusion in my little apartment have done me harm because I am so painfully shy at work. Everybody in my department works their little tails off all morning and in the afternoon we’re mostly off the phones and working on sending out information on our new accounts, so everybody is loud and talking over the cubes and making plans for the evenings and the weekends. Me- not saying so much. I’m so terrified of saying the wrong thing, that I end up saying nothing at all.

The last thing that I want is for my department, my co-workers, to think I’m some stuffy bitch because it’s really really not that. I’m just so intimidated. So I’m working on it. I’m thinking about making a vague request for a movie partner this weekend, perhaps. We’ll see if I end up brave enough to ask!

And if not… anybody want to go see Pirates with me this weekend? Anybody? Bueller?

13 thoughts on “Like Pilates, But With Eyepatches

  1. Congrats on the pending paycheck! Hope it’s a good one. 🙂

    Sorry to hear about the shyness. I have that problem, too. My mom always said (I can’t BELIEVE I’m starting off a sentence this way!) that you should “fake it ’til you make it”. That is, pretend to be happy or confident or outgoing or whatever and eventually you will embody the image you send out to people. It’s hard, but it does work–at least partly, and at least most of the time. So maybe you can tell yourself over and over again that you’re confident and extroverted and friendly, and then slap a smile on your face and act on all those feelings the way someone who really does feel that way would act.

    Yeah. It’s hard. But, hey, it sounded good, right?

    As for the movie, I’d love to join you, but alas the drive is simply too great. Another time, perhaps…

  2. Caryn- I keep reworking words in my head, but by the time I get the courage to say it, the topic has changed or whatever. I’ll get there. Today was an improvement over the last week and a bit, so I’m getting there. And you should try to make it to the Surrey conference in October. You can stay with Jacquee and I at my place to cut down at expenses. C’mon… you know you want to….

  3. Okay, I have SO much to say here… so let’s start with:

    1) No, I will not just “deal with it” because well, I don’t wanna. So there.

    2) I remember that you were like that at the Mobile T, and then you decided that you wanted to talk to this girl that “intimidated you” because she was really loud, and now you’re best friends. So I guess what I’m saying is – Don’t talk to anyone because you might find another best friend. Wait, that’s not what I’m saying… wait, what were we talking about again?

    3) For the reals, everyone loves the Llama, so I think the movie thing is a good idea. Or I could just come up there and talk to everyone for you. And then you could pay me to do that. And that could be my new full time job….

    4) What were we talking about again? 🙂

    I love you. Talk to you when you get home!!!!

    PS Brian: What the hell is that?

  4. I have a hard time relating – i usually talk far too much and end up thinking “Why did I say that?!?!?!” – My advise – Just dive in. The water will be great or your body temp will adjust – either way you get to be you. 🙂

    People will like you and if they don’t – Fuck ’em.

  5. Brian – What Would something Brian Do?

    Toni – I’m not particularly shy online because I have time to formulate my responses and pick the best words and I don’t have to have an instant rebuttal for anything. In real life, though, things get scary and I’m pretty withdrawn and quiet.

    Megs – You’re a goof. And I know, at T-Mobile it was the same thing… the loud girl at my new job though is seriously annoying- I wouldn’t be worried if I were you.

    Ellen- That’s the thing! What if I say something that I can’t take back??

  6. WWFBD? is a powerful inspirational message to help you find that confidence inside you and feel comfortable conversing at work. It stands for What Would Fantastic Burrito Do? Yes, think about Grammy-nominated singer Fantastic Burrito, let her strong soulful voice enter your mind, and allow self-doubt to be cast out. Such songs as “Free Yourself”, “Chain of Fools” and “Baby Mama” have inspired millions of women to cast aside the shackles of this male-dominated world and become strong, independant, free-speaking women. I know that Fantastic Burrito is of special importance to you, Courtney, as we have talked about her over MSN numerous times, what she means to you, and how eagerly you are anticipating her sophmore album, the first single of which will be playing on airwaves next month. Ler her Fantasticness fill your mind, and her Burritoness feed your soul.

  7. As a side note – the eraser phrase that will guide you thru the choppy waters of social hell is repeat after me…

    Ha! Just kidding! Looks like you almost thought I was serious.

    And then laugh and walk away. People will think you have a quirky sense of humor.

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