I'm So Vain

I’m not sure when it happened, but I’ve developed a serious case of vanity. Ridiculous, considering I’ve never been one who is known for having the latest fashion, hairstyle, or makeup techniques.

When I first began my job, I had to have my picture taken for the files. I was told that it wasn’t a big deal, the only place it would be used was in the directory for management. Cool, no biggie. I was asked if I wanted to see the picture and I just kinda waved my hand in the air and said something non-caring like, “Nah- if nobody is going to see it, I don’t care.”

Well. They lied. And I, apparently, do care.

You see, those pictures are not just used for the records. About a month ago, we had a massive quantity of giant LCD TV’s installed on the floor of the call center and the top performers for the day/week/month are posted in a slideshow on these monitors. A name just wasn’t good enough, apparently, so they yanked out the directory pictures and slapped ‘em up on the monitors.

Oh yeah.

And my picture? Literally, the worst one I’ve ever seen of myself. Now I’ve taken some horrible pictures in my time. This, outdoes them all. I know, I know, you all think I’m exaggerating. It’s so bad that there’s no way I’d post it on here and I will post a LOT of embarrassing things. This ain’t one of them.

First, the lighting is rotten. I was apparently tired that morning because my ponytail is not only lopsided, but I have little sprays of hair flying out in every direction- creating an unattractive halo effect. My double-chin is practically blinking and I have the goofiest looking grin. It is ugly.

I’ve been stressing this picture-on-the-big-ass-TV thing for weeks now and feeling a mild sense of panic anytime I think about the entire call center bearing witness to that embarrassment. So today, after realizing that I might be on that stupid TV tomorrow, I actually went all the way down to human resources to beg and plead for a new picture.

Otherwise, I don’t want to be the best. I’m hugely competitive, but my vanity makes me perfectly content with second place if it means that my fugly-ass picture won’t make it on the screen.

I stammered and blushed and had the most difficult time explaining why a new picture was necessary. Who wants to admit to just being too egotistical to let 300+ people check out your mug shot?

Fortunately, they were ever so kind and took a new snapshot. The nasty picture stays on my name badge, a badge that is witnessed only by myself and covered by my time card, so there is no stress there. Now I can relax back into my ass-kicking ways and work at being top performer again.

Oh, the vanity. (This post appropriately filed under “Me, Me, Me.”)

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One thought on “I'm So Vain

  1. Pingback: Five Second Dance Party » Blog Archive » Vanity Takes A Blow

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