I’ve thought so much about what I wanted to say on this week’s blog-off topic, friendship, that I didn’t even get my post up yesterday with everyone else’s. Shame on me. I still haven’t figured it out, so pardon the lack of a thread to tie this post together neatly.
Friends are a double-edged sword to me. Considering how much I’m willing to share (especially in a public forum like this blog), I’m surprisingly private, particularly with my emotions. I’m terribly afraid to let people in because in the past it’s gotten me nothing but heartache. I don’t say that to sound bitter and jaded, but I honestly have found that when I let someone in, I get burned.
I have a few close friends that I hold dear and I cherish every moment that I spend talking to them, being with them- being friends. I also like to stockpile acquaintances. There’s nothing I love more than having someone to chat with at any given time because there’s a lot of people around. The problem with that lies with my first point- that people terrify me. A lot of people don’t understand my need to slither away and be by myself for up to weeks at a time. Sometimes I just like to go to work and then come home and be alone.
It’s hard to blend my personality with others. It’s that awkward conflict between wanting to be a social butterfly and wanting to be completely reclusive. My favorite friends are the ones that just are. The ones that I can go days or weeks without talking to and then when we do talk again, it’s like we were never apart. I value that kind of person. I love knowing that no matter where I am, no matter how far they are- they’ve got my back and should I call on them, they won’t even question the time we spent apart.
My friends have gotten me through some very rough patches. My friends have forgiven me when I’ve been a complete oaf- if they’ve even bothered to acknowledge it. My friends support me even when I don’t make the same choices they would have- or even choices they can agree with.
My friends are my backbone and as much as I dig my alone time, I love having them to come home to.