Epiphanies

Dating has been hugely on mind, so pardon the broken record-ness of this post, but seriously? Dating is such a head game. 

So first I met somebody who, ya know, I was okay with, but not uber impressed. But I thought that maybe (as I’ve been told) that I am far too picky and that I need to give people a chance. And so I did. And whoa, it was a disaster. The actual date was fine – he made a few bizarre comments, but I brushed them off. It was the discovery of his Facebook page that did him in. No thanks. He’s not my guy. 

Now I’ve been casually corresponding with someone else. This is someone who, when I saw their profile, my heart kinda sped up a little bit, because he met almost every single one of my ridiculously numerous wants. I thought long and hard on how I wanted to approach him and I sent a well thought out message and waited. And then I saw that he’d looked at my profile in return and hadn’t messaged me back and…. well, while that’s happened a lot, that one sucked. A lot. I started to feel like maybe I was really wasting my time and should just let the whole dating site thing go for a while.

I talked to my girlfriend about it and she laughed at me, not unkindly, and reminded me that maybe he just didn’t have time, etc etc. Truth be told, I didn’t think that was the case. Well. While I was still with said friend I got a little notification that I’d received a message – and lo and behold it was from him. And, not even that, but he’d sent it almost 20 hours previously, I just hadn’t gotten it for whatever reason. 

I think I turned a goofy shade of red. I know that I felt the heat in my face. He wanted to know more about me. He wanted to have a phone conversation. 

Since then, we’ve talked on the phone for a total of just under 3 hours and it’s been absolutely lovely conversation with a minimum of awkward silences. We’ve texted a handful of times (I don’t think he’s a big texter). And yet, somehow, after a minimal text conversation early in the day yesterday, by late last night I had convinced myself that he was just being polite and was totally not into me. Now, keep in mind that this was after he’d expressed interest in meeting me in person. My sometimes ridiculous self had convinced me that because I was unavailable to meet him at his first proposed meeting, that he was over it (despite us having discussions about another date). 

Here’s where my epiphany comes in. I WAS OKAY WITH IT. Disappointed, of course, but at the end of the day? It just meant that it wasn’t meant to be and that was alright with me. There will be other guys, and, if not, I am doing a decent job on my own and I can continue that way, not un-happily, forever if need be. 

In my past, pre-marriage, I would not have been okay with rejection. I would have fallen into a tailspin. I would have decided that I was completely unlovable. I am not that girl anymore. I’m a catch, dude. I’m smart and I’m funny and I’m kind. I can be brought home to mama, and I can also be ridiculously inappropriate. I’m a cool chick. Anybody who doesn’t want to be with me, well, you don’t deserve me.

And then he texted me this morning and would like to call me tonight to confirm plans for Sunday. Ha! So I’m back to being ridiculously goofy and happy about it, but also knowing, in the back of my mind, that if his guy doesn’t pan out? That I am okay with that. 

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