You know exactly who you are. I would be deeply ashamed of the woman I’ve become if I were you. I used to feel sorry for you. When things first started getting hairy, I thought that I could empathize. I’d been through separation and divorce already and I’d shown my ugly colors when it happened. I, at least, had the decency to be embarrassed with who I was at that time because it was ugly. It was an ugly ugly person. You, however, have trumped my ugly with your disgusting, inhumane, miserable self.
The moment that I stopped feeling sorry for you was the moment that you actually went through with your bullshit story of abuse and accused the man you were with for 16 years of abusing his kids when you KNEW that it wasn’t true. You were so angry with him for being with somebody else (after you’d ended your marriage by cheating on him with a criminal right under his very nose) that you were willing to use your kids as pawns. Even for months after he was cleared (within one business day because it was SO obviously not an abuse case) you continued to LIE to your kids and tell them that their dad was too busy for them when it was YOU who was too spiteful and pissy to let him see them if he wasn’t bowing down to your every request. You disgust me.
Kids should always come before your own irrational feelings. You should NEVER turn the kids against their other parent because you’re pissed off at them. For as much as your ex pretty much hates your guts now, I have never once heard him knock you in front of them. And you know why? Because he’s a decent person and because he knows that his kids are half you and if he knocks you in front of them, he’s telling them that they’re half bad. Remember that every time you say something about him to them. You’re saying that about half of them, too.
The sense of entitlement that you have makes me sick. For your daughter’s birthday party you expected him to pay for everything. He printed the invitations, he wrote them up. You said you couldn’t handle doing the cake so he did that, too, and yet, you had everybody RSVP you so that you got all the credit. You had the nerve to complain to other parents about how you had to do everything and how life as a single parent of 3 was so hard. All you had to do was show up, you stupid bitch. You’d have all of his help in the world if you had the decency to put aside your petty rage and actually try to co-parent.
The temper tantrums that you throw are truly awe-inspiring. That sense of entitlement that I just mentioned, the one that makes you think he should have to pay your phone, cable, internet, mortgage, strata, PLUS child support and spousal support, really got you fucked when you realized that he didn’t actually have to do that, didn’t it? So when he gave you 30 days notice on all the accounts and you, what, IGNORED it, thinking it wouldn’t actually happen? And then you took to Facebook to whine about it. How your phone got turned off with no notice at all. But not to worry, the kids and you were alright. Well, of course the kids were alright, HE HAD THEM THAT NIGHT. Of course, he had to go get them because you were too pissed off to drive them over to him despite you being the one in possession of the family vehicle. And, of course, you had to complain about the vehicle he did wind up picking them up in.
I would love to crawl up inside your head and try to figure you out. Although, based on your texts, Facebook posts, and your letter to me, I don’t know that there is much to examine in there. I think you’re just a sad, sad woman who doesn’t know how to handle not getting her own way. Life is full of disappointments, sweetheart. Get used to it.
I would have hoped that in your yoga instructor courses (that he paid for, you’re welcome) that you would have picked up a little bit about spirituality and karma and about releasing toxicity from your life. Clearly, and tragically, that is not the case. You’re in for a rude awakening, princess. It is my sincere hope that you can blink a few times and recognize the epic asshole that you’re being. I hope that you can make a few changes and start being a reasonable and decent human being and mother again. I’d gladly volunteer to bang a chair against your head a few times if I thought it would make a difference.
GROW UP. Get a clue and start trying to repair some of the damage that you’ve caused.