I’m looking around a lot this year and I’m wondering if being a grinch or a scrooge is the new in-thing. It seems like more and more posts are bitterly complaining about the normal festivities going on and around. Now, I am not innocent of this. In years past, I have definitely been scrooge-like and grumpy.
This year I’m a blend. I decorated a few days earlier than I normally would have and I’ve played my Christmas CD’s (the two that I have) in my car a few times. I feel pretty festive and excited for Christmas Day. Until I remember that this is the first year that I don’t get to have my daughter on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. Then my excitement dulls right down and i get downright gloomy.
I am, in fact, sitting here as I type this, near tears. Ana keeps asking me if she can wake up when Santa comes so she can run out and meet him. She asks me if she can leave out this or that for him when he comes to her house. And I have to keep directing her to ask her dad those questions because it’s his turn to have her when Santa comes visiting.
It is especially difficult because, while her dad and his family and I all live very close, my parents and my family are still quite far away. So while I get her around 3PM on Christmas Day… I still have a 3 hour drive to get to my family. It also means that I don’t get to see Le Boy’s kids on Christmas Day unless I give up seeing my own family, so it pretty much feels like a lose all around.
I do feel fortunate that I have Le Boy and family as well as my best friends because without their offers to stay with them, it wouldn’t be feasible to go to my family first and then come get my daughter and go back, so I would have wound up spending the holiday alone.
Despite all of that, if I don’t think about the actual day of Christmas itself, I am still quite feeling the season this year. What’s holding anybody else back from feeling good about the holidays? Why so gloomy about Christmas music and decor?